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| Pililia Wind Farm, 2019 |
“I don't mind close-ups, I like them, but they're kind of forceful - you see a lot, you get a lot of information in a close-up. There's less mystery.” —David Duchovny
When I saw this quote online, it got me thinking. Do we really lose the “mystery-ness” of things when we get more information about them? The sense of awe and wonder—do they fade as you see the things you admire at a closer perspective? Surely, with the imperfect and the flawed, the trend of feeling lesser awe as one sees more is set. Not necessarily because of the mere fact that you’ve seen more of it—but because, being imperfect, when we see more of something, we inevitably see more of its flaws. More depths to the beauty we have initially perceived, yes, sometimes. But the flaws, scars, dents, and imperfections that were so carefully hidden before are also now brought to light. In a different light, this fallen world, and everything in it, becomes less appealing.
Not so with God. The God, who is the source of all that’s good. This God, whose way is perfect. This God, who is awesome from His sanctuary. As the old hymn goes, “I am finding out the greatness of [His] loving heart.” And the more God reveals to me the depths of His character, the more awestruck I become; the more I find myself to be inarticulate; unable to express how great and wonderful He is. And 2019, for me, is a year of being drawn nearer—closer!—to the throne of grace where all fullness dwells.
My Life in Pixels
It was this year that I started working in my third (hopefully last before I get to have my own homeschooling institution!) school, MGC New Life Christian Academy. The previous school year was tough, not just because of work, but also because of personal and family trials. At the first half of 2019, I was ready to accept that I wasn’t really cut out for teaching; that I got it wrong, all these years, and that I wasn’t meant to be a teacher—if it would always take a huge toll on my physical, emotional, and mental health.
But God was pleased to let me rediscover the joys I had at first, and He rekindled the love I had for this job. He proved to me that, yes, I will never be strong enough for such a tough, devoted, self-sacrificing, give-your-all kind of calling such as molding kids and influencing eternal beings, but He is. His grace is sufficient, His right hand is always more than enough to straighten and uphold. For this truth, I would forever be grateful.
It was also through MGCNL that I got to work with several of my churchmates (we’re seven from SGC working in that school!). I got to be closer with them, and truly it’s a blessing to have more encounter with the brethren during the long stretches of weeks and days. The MGCNL work environment, as a whole, is also a fresh air of encouragement. I would always remember my first job with great fondness for the home it gave me, but MGCNL—middle school, primary school, and all the people I get to encounter in that school—is not just a home. It has become a hospital of sorts, a recovery ward. For that, I would forever be grateful.
It was also this year that I got to see up-close the church, the lives of the people in the church, and the work of God in the church. Like what I said in the year-end thanksgiving, it’s an overwhelming blessing to see up-close the things that the loving Hand of God does in, among, and through His people. This year, I got more involved, not only in the ministries of SGC, but also in hearing out the stories of the sinners-turned-saints. And, truly, what a marvelous God we have, who saves us to the uttermost, and who faithfully completes in us the work that He has begun.
There are countless stories to tell, but perhaps each tale would need to be told by the one who lived it himself. But every story tells of God’s sovereign rule, of His loving hand that would guide, give, comfort, and correct—all according to the need of one’s soul towards Christlikeness. To see all these things at a far more closer, nearer, perspective is a blessing. For this wondrous God, and for these excellent saints, I would forever be grateful.
My Lessons in Pixels
Seeing God and the people of God with bigger lens revealed to me a lot of lessons. Things about God that I have known only in the head, and not in my heart; things about Him that I’ve only read about in books, or heard from the seasoned saints. Things that, now that I understand, I would hold so, so dearly in my heart.
One of the things I’ve learned is that God is a Master who demands complete obedience, from one’s thoughts to action. He requires your all. Wasn’t it said that one is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind”? It was this year that I get to really learn that He is a God who demands that we “store up His word in our heart, that [we] might not sin against Him.” (Ps. 119:11) He is the God who, from the deepest corners of your heart to your grandest outward gestures, demands that He be the King and sole Ruler. He is the God who would exact from you, His child, the obedience that He deserves—complete, whole, immediate, and devoted.
And He doesn’t demand from you a life of committed obedience because He wants you to be miserable. He exhorts and commands His creation to yield to Him and obey Him, because He knows that such disposition is the only one that would satisfy us. He knows that, as His children, it is only when we are in His presence and when we are doing His will that we will find fullness of joy. (Ps. 16)
I also learned this year—with head and heart—that God is the lone source of every enabling gift and grace. He is the God who will teach you that you cannot rely on your own strength, own efforts, to obey Him. But that you need Him every waking (and sleeping) moment for you to do be pleasing to Him. Along with the task He has set, He will also provide the means for you to obey.
The tasks at hand are difficult and, humanly speaking, may even be next to impossible. But with Him all things are possible. With Him, the tasks can be accomplished. As a line goes from one of my favorite books, Valley of Vision,
If I venture forth alone I stumble and fall,
but on the Beloved’s arms I am firm as the eternal hills;
if left to the treachery of my heart I shall shame thy Name,
but if enlightened, guided, upheld by the Spirit,
I shall bring thee glory. (VOV, p. 155)
Another character of God that I have experientially discovered is that He is a loving Father who meets you on your way to duty. Again, the tasks He lays before you are difficult and, if you rely on yourself, are impossible. But He gives more grace. (Ja. 4:6) He upholds His people with His right hand, (Isa. 41:10), and He is able to make all grace abound in us. He is like an earthly Father who, having a little child who wishes to heed the command to come to Him, would then guide the child by the hand as he tries to walk. Our steps my falter, we may grow weary, but for our every step of obedience, our Heavenly Father comes upholding and sustaining us—all for His glory, and for our growth.
And the more we step towards Him, the more difficult the walk becomes. The closer we get to Celestial City, the more fiery the enemy’s darts will be; the more cunning and deceitful the devil will be; the more enticing the world will try to sound. But the more that grace, too, will abound; the stronger, too, will our faith be, not because of our own merits, but because He who called us is faithful, and He will surely sanctify us completely. (1 Thes. 5:23-24) Again, quoting from Valley of Vision,
Every new duty calls for more grace than I now possess,
but not more than is found in thee, the divine Treasury
in whom all fullness dwells. (VOV, p. 116)
My Lisped Prayers in Pixels
As the dawn of yet another year fills the horizon, one cannot help but wonder what it may bring. We are all short-sighted, control-freaks, and distrusting on the unknown. But it is never our duty to know something not yet revealed to us. Our calling is to simply obey, simply trust. The children’s hymn “Trust and Obey” speaks volumes of truth more than what one may have originally thought. And truly, there is no other way to be happy in Jesus—in our Savior, Lord, Prophet, Priest, and King—but to trust and obey Him!
One of my first prayers for this new year is yet again best articulated by someone who lived centuries before I did:
Teach me to be resigned to thy will,
to delight in thy law,
to have no will but thine,
to believe that everything thou doest is for my good. (VOV, p. 130)
Seeing God and God’s people up close made me realize in a deeper sense the blessing of salvation, and the gift of being part of His church. Seeing God closer made me realize that the gap is still vast, and such it will remain to be until I cross that River that would ultimately, finally, take me to Celestial City where I may at last gaze at Him fully. But it also made me all the more desire to faithfully draw nearer to Him, by His enabling grace.
And while the whole world grovels for earthly security, for personal successes, for individual goals to be met, and for bucket lists to be crossed out, may every true believer’s eye balls be stamped with eternity. May our heart stay true to its rightful owner—the kingdom’s King, the Bride’s Bridegroom, the servant’s Master, the child’s Father. May we ever truly hold things of this world with a loose grip, to hold our palms upward, not in a give-me-more disposition, but in an I-leave-everything-to-Your-control attitude to our gracious King.
This coming year, may we all seek to do His will. May we all love His commandments, His word, His precepts. May we all understand with our head and heart that it is only when we are living a life most pleasing to God that we will find fullness of joy. And may we all the more be able to say amen to the psalmist when he said:
The Lord is my portion;
I promise to keep your words.
I entreat your favor with all my heart;
be gracious to me according to your promise.
When I think on my ways,
I turn my feet to your testimonies;
I hasten and do not delay
to keep your commandments.
Though the cords of the wicked ensnare me,
I do not forget your law.
At midnight I rise to praise you,
because of your righteous rules.
I am a companion of all who fear you,
of those who keep your precepts.
The earth, O Lord, is full of your steadfast love;
teach me your statutes!
(Ps. 119: 57-64)
May this year, more than being happy, be a year of more intense gaze at eternity, and on the God who inhabits it.
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