Reminiscing Truths ⚓

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion."                                                         (Psalm 84:5) Those who walk uprightly, who love the habitation of His temple; to those who long, yes, faint, for the courts of the LORD--those people are blessed. They will go from strength to strength until they appear in Zion, before the God in whom they delight. And even as such a man goes through the Valley of Baca--that is, the valley of weeping ( emeq ha-Baka )--he asks but one thing of the Lord: "Oh LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer... Look on the face of your anointed one." (vv. 8-9) Nothing else. Nothing more, and nothing less, than for God to look at him in his distress and assure him of His presence. So where does he go? To the courts of the Lord, where His presence is promised. To Hi...

I know in mind and heart that this is your most difficult birthday just yet. How it feels to have an ever gnawing pain with you when you wake up in the morning, and when you go to sleep at (mid) night, and every single time you let your thoughts wander far enough during the day. Maybe you also feel sometimes that you have to "suck it up and get on with it" because "it's been months," and you can't do anything about the past, so you just have to move forward. It's hard and difficult and painful, and the task before us is looming and terrifying. I mean how can life be not terrifying when so much has changed? But He who promised to us life and life abundant, in this world and the next, is faithful. And somehow this thought gets me through the hardest nights. Hoping it would also be of comfort and soothing balm to you. I love you, and happy birthday. I'm always praying for you, and for the day when we'd all cross beyond the River to our ete...

But the Lord said to David my father, 'Whereas it was in your heart to build a house for my name, you did well that it was in your heart. Nevertheless, it is not you who shall build my house...' -II Chronicles 6:8-9a           "You did well that it was in your heart." Serving and glorifying God, while He does give a specific approach, can still be varied for every individual saved by grace. Sometimes, you get to be blessed with a task that has an easily recognizable path leading to it. Leaders taking care of the flock. Men being called to preach. To shepherd. To counsel. Women being called to motherhood. To rearing up godly offspring. To benevolent service. To playing the church piano. To counseling other women. But most of the time, for many people, the calling is not as clear-cut and descriptive of a "job description." Washing the mugs. Scrubbing the bathroom floor. Waiting for anyone who'd ask for help. Some roles, so to speak, are too shor...

No matter what, we have to keep moving forward, even if we have to crawl.                                                 ― Kellie Elmore My 2018's end is marked by the death of my brother, Calvin. He died last December 7 because of a blood-poisoning disease, typhoid toxemia. He was fifteen. This occurrence shocked the tears and grief out of us, and while the hustle and bustle of the wake and burial compelled me to set my own emotions aside to take care of logistical things and other immediate concerns, I knew I had to deal with it soon after. Sure enough, when I opened my emotional ice box to retrieve these emotions, they came back in strong currents, in huge waves. And the best (or worst, still can't decide which) part in grieving after everyone else has grieved is, you're left on your own. After every condolence has been thrown out and said, after ev...

It has been a very meditative week of more devoted prayer and intermittent fasting (or intermittent eating because I fasted more than I ate). A lot has been shoved down my plate lately, and this week started off with another shaking and breaking. And there are many, many, many  lessons and happenings in the span of a week. Additional work load to my ever increasing pile of school duties. Same old issues resurfacing. The old burden and zeal to invest in the lives of other people--and not seeing pleasant results. Same old, but brand new stories of I-don't-like-you's. Of feeling like the girl in between two worlds--never quite in one, never quite part of the other. Many things. I am still trying to process each of these very much tangled, very much interconnected ball of thoughts and feelings. Maybe one day, I get to write about each one ever more clearly. But one of the things that I had (have, still not over) to deal with, is my still very much unsettled feeling and reso...