Overfamiliarity Breeds Contempt

 July 8, 2021 | 11:15 AM

Overfamiliarity breeds contempt.

I don’t know why I feel this way, but I feel tired of being a friend and then being discarded whenever I’m not convenient to be around anymore. They don’t say it, but I think at some point everyone thinks that of me. When it’s limited slots, I’d be one of the first people to go. Excess baggage they’ve been just able to keep around the dock when the storm wasn’t hitting yet, but one of the first cargos to go when the waves become rocky.

I don’t really resent them because I would also do the same to myself—throw myself out the window the moment I don’t contribute anything to the table if only I had the choice. Haha but I’m stuck with myself.

But yeah, I feel like I’m that add-on friend people just befriend because anyway, I’m already there. I just happened to be in the same circle because a friend plus oned me at some point, and now they’re pretty much stuck with me.

Arielle’s friend. Someone's church mate. Always someone else’s add-on. An add-on you can always remove from the cart.

And, lol, I know that this is rooted in self-pity and self-centeredness. And that makes it worse. It’s not something that comes in from an external factor; it’s all inside. It’s all my fault and my own messed up feelings and insecurities. It doesn’t change the fact, though, that the way I view and treat people inside overlapping circles of friendships is already affected by this perspective.

Whenever I look at the overlapping lines of different circles of friends, I cannot help but identify myself to be under the shadow of whoever introduced me to that circle and I feel like an echo to an otherwise solid harmony.

Maybe this is also why I've been so adamant about getting my own place and living alone. The living alone part won't come as soon as I would like, but at least I would be getting my own house soon enough, Lord willing. I think it's become necessary to literally separate myself from the people who have grown too close to me because I'm also starting to be confused and to lose sight of who I am, whose I am, and even my motivation for staying in the circles with whom I choose to stay.

But when I'm left all on my own, dear self—where do you stand?